That certain sense of occasion

I like celebrations. They break up the monotony of life. I'll never get why certain religious groups refuse to celebrate holidays...OK, I understand the background idea behind it, but it still seems a little depressing. Celebrations give you something to look forward to, and also something to remember. Stories that we look back on, years from now, that bring a smile or a chuckle to those who remember the occasion, even if things weren't quite so funny when it happened. Families and friends all come together for celebrations. As our society becomes more and more detached from one another, this is important. We need to make time to celebrate in our lives.

That being said, D and I had a discussion last night, and I think we're on different pages about celebrations and conveying a sense of occasion. Here's the back story: Earlier this week while we were chatting on the phone, he made a point tell me about his planning of our joint future over the next year or so, detailing the different things that will happen in our personal life with regard to his transition to ministry. It was very concise and well thought out, but I quipped "how romantic" very sarcastically at the well-oiled machine approach to when our wedding would be. I wasn't trying to be a smart ass specifically, but I felt steamrolled by the details that had been worked out without my input. I'm a little sensitive to that sort of planning because that is what happens to me constantly at work, so having it in my personal life generated a knee-jerk response that was meaner than I meant for it to be. He was hurt, naturally, and it's been difficult to explain to him exactly why I feel the way I do, although I have tried. He was only trying to be helpful and thoughtful, and I appreciate that, and I am sorry for the way I reacted, but I haven't been able to successfully apologize yet, although I have tried. Maybe it just takes a little time.

I guess I am saying all of this because it's important to me that he understands that I crave a certain sense of occasion in my life. To me, as a woman especially, I want that engagement story. I want to say "we're engaged," and when people ask how we got engaged, I want a story! I don't want to say "oh, we just decided over the phone one rainy Tuesday evening while I had Gilmore Girls on in the background"...there is no romance in that whatsoever!! And it doesn't have to be elaborate, just a small pause in our everyday life to acknowledge that this is important and significant. I know we can't afford much in the way of a wedding, and between that and a non-engagement engagement, I feel like it's a business transaction and not one of the happiest moments in my life. Am I silly to want these things? I know I had the big production proposal already, which lead to nothing, but I just want a little romance in this process. I want a story to tell and remember fondly instead of a speedbump in our life together, colorless in its remembrance. We love each other, and that is important, I just want to celebrate it, even just a little bit!