Anticipation

So many details are unknown at this point, and I'm feeling a little stressed. Not bad stressed, but stressed. I'll be so glad when D knows when he will have a post and where that post will be located. I just want to start planning what needs to be planned with specifics in place. I'm trying to enjoy the process as it unfolds, even though a part of my brain keeps screaming "five months, a wedding could happen in FIVE MONTHS!!" Never mind that we can't afford much of anything at all, that voice is there, making me a little nutty. Someone tell me if I turn into a bridezilla down the line...I so don't want to go down that road. Breathe in, breathe out, take it one day at a time, don't rush things. Ommmm.

I wish we could afford a nice wedding. I mean, whatever we do it will be nice, and I'm really more concerned about the marriage than any wedding ceremony, big or small. The marriage part doesn't stress me out. I know we are great together and are a team, and that we love and respect one another enough to make this work even when times are tough. I just want to be able to have a tasteful wedding. As it stands right now, we can only afford to have our immediate families there, and that makes me a little sad. My friends are an integral part of my life, and I really want them to be there. One of my friends said she'd write Oprah for me, which gave me a chuckle. I had a dream the other night that I was wearing a pink pantsuit instead of a dress because I couldn't afford to get a wedding dress of my own, and I flipped out and stopped the wedding so I could run to another friend's house, borrow her dress, and pick up where we left off...and the dress was too short to boot. How crazy is that?! We're not even officially engaged yet (Christmas is when we will make the big familial announcement, so shhh for a little longer). I guess I have too much time on my hands and not enough to distract me from obsessing about things that are out of my control at this point in time. Like a kid at Christmas, the anticipation is making me wait. ;-)