Clarification (very long)

I figured now was a good time to update since they are installing my desk in my office and I don't have access to the programs I need to do what needs to be done workwise. Loooooong story short(ish), my significant other, who I will refer to as D in this blog, has decided to change tracks for ordination and become a pastor instead of a lay minister. This is great news, because I think he'll be really happy and fulfilled as a pastor. My challenge is the logistics of it all. Becoming a pastor means putting oneself at the mercy of the church conference in that they will decide where he will live and serve.

The first of the many questions that have yet to be answered is what conference will he choose. He doesn't want to stay in his current one as there is a glut of qualified people here and he is ready for a change, but choosing the right conference is a challenge. How does this affect me, you ask? Well, he came to this decision after much soul searching. He feared that he would lose me as a result of this choice, and when we talked about it, I reassured him that that would not happen. There are a lot of uncertainties in my life right now, but the one thing I am sure of is our relationship together and its future. I'll go where he goes, because unlike me, he knows what he wants to do with his professional life. As many of my friends already know, my professional career has somewhat stalled out since completing my master's degree. I am stuck in a job rut in a field I don't enjoy, and have not been able to transition into a job in the field for which my education has supposedly prepared me. A change of scenery would be good for me too, as there is an abundance of qualified people here due to three programs in this state that offer similar master's degrees. With all of this in mind, we will choose the conference location based on both of our professional needs. I may not be certain what I want to "be when I grow up," but I want him to be a part of that journey.

The other question on everyone's mind is...are you getting married? The short answer is yes, the long answer is more complicated than a simple yes/no response. The when, for one thing, poses a challenge. If D gets an appointment in June of 07, my plans of an October wedding are shot to hell. We'll have to marry earlier than planned, probably in May...yes, as in 5 months from now. If he can't secure an appointment until June of 08, then October is still on as pseudo-planned. The other question is: are we engaged? No. Am I annoyed? Yes! I can't say anything to my family until things are "official," and it's making me crazy! Regardless of appointments/dates/logistics, why can't we get engaged now!? It's not like we have to have an exact date in mind to be engaged! I don't know what the hold up is except that he wants to know the particulars before he goes that route, by it makes me crazy because I'm a planner and a compartmentalizer...i like to plan things out, and I want to have that plan laid out clearly in front of me. I feel like these things are premature without the promise. And it's not about the ring. Plenty of people get engaged without a ring. I just feel like it would be the proper thing to do to have the engagement be official before all the rest of these plans are put in place. This is the bulk of my frustration. The rest is just details.

I have to take a break now. More to come later.